someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
