I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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