was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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