Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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