Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They are going to name an STD after you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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