I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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