he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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