Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
