it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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