yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
