I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have fence marks all over my body
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
