And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
