And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
