So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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