I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
