dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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