I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
