Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.

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(347): View more from New York

The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09

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(618): View more from Illinois

This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.

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(406): View more from Montana

You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt

(1-406): View more from Montana

That literally makes no sense

(406): View more from Montana

Exactly

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?

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(801): View more from Utah

One less thong to worry about.

(801): View more from Utah

One less *thing! But probably that too.

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(512): View more from Texas

So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?

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