so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
