I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
