Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
