this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
