He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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