I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Farmville is her only friend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
