so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
