Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
