I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
