omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I deserve this hangover.
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