my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
