i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
