I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
