My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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