Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
