Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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