and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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