Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
