I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just blew my weed a kiss
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I love you. Go after that dick
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
