'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
