What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
