new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
