I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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