Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
