3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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