is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
