4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
plz talk dirty to me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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