Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Randomize
