By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
