you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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