You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
