I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
