garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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