I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
