The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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