and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
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I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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