Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
