Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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