Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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