I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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