Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
