u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
