question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
