i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
