You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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