first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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