I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
